So my friend found Kiva, where you can start off by getting a free $25 loan to someone around the world that is in need.
Fruits & Vegetables – Uganda
Make a $25 loan on Kiva and empower an individual to start or grow a business, improve their home, go to school, and more.
In this case, this guy:
“Teodoro, age 45, runs a local brew business in Kagadi, Uganda. He is a hardworking man who has been engaged in his business for over 10 years. His primary obstacles are inadequate capital to facilitate his business and customers not paying on time.”
“Teodoro’s most immediate goals are to build a permanent home for the family and to secure the education of his children. He would also like to buy land that he will use for growing crops.”
“Teodoro intends to use this loan to buy building materials for the completion of his house.”
I looked Teodoro up and also found his competition in the fruit and vegetable industry. I found Umbuti Fufu that was busy kicking down his grass hut, biting his plate lip and selling the bone in his nose to make do for the month. Umbuti is pictured here without bone:
“I also live in Uganda, thanks for empowering my competition. Now my fruits and vegetables will wilt, rot and die in my wicker baskets of shameful capitalism. Thanks a heap, white devil from Chicago with huge American penis.”
This kinda pissed me off that Americans, under the guise of philanthropy could unwittingly be party to this kind of blatant capitalistic favoritism.
I implore Americans to make a $25 loan via Kiva to assist Umbuti Fufu in the noble effort of crushing his enemies that also make a living with fruits and vegetables. It is unfair that Umbuti is thus far sans imperialist American dollars, and hence at an unfair market disadvantage.
Here are a few things your $25 loan via Kiva will provide Umbuti in his quest to even the playing field unfairly unbalanced with huge American dollars by a man with a huge American penis. Mr. Fufu would also appreciate the opportunity to cleave a machete blade into the heads of his fruit and vegetable competition. Anyway, here is what your twenty-five bucks will help purchase:
4. Ninja outfit
5. Indoor plumbing
6. New hut
7. Nose bone back
Don’t make me call in this guy:
He will seriously fuck some shit up, and Omar knows how to take a machete to the face.