The Global War of Capitalism–Twenty-Five Dollars at a Time

So my friend found Kiva, where you can start off by getting a free $25 loan to someone around the world that is in need.

Fruits & Vegetables – Uganda

Make a $25 loan on Kiva and empower an individual to start or grow a business, improve their home, go to school, and more.

In this case, this guy:


“Teodoro, age 45, runs a local brew business in Kagadi, Uganda. He is a hardworking man who has been engaged in his business for over 10 years. His primary obstacles are inadequate capital to facilitate his business and customers not paying on time.”

“Teodoro’s most immediate goals are to build a permanent home for the family and to secure the education of his children. He would also like to buy land that he will use for growing crops.”

“Teodoro intends to use this loan to buy building materials for the completion of his house.”

I looked Teodoro up and also found his competition in the fruit and vegetable industry. I found Umbuti Fufu that was busy kicking down his grass hut, biting his plate lip and selling the bone in his nose to make do for the month. Umbuti is pictured here without bone:


He writes:

“I also live in Uganda, thanks for empowering my competition. Now my fruits and vegetables will wilt, rot and die in my wicker baskets of shameful capitalism. Thanks a heap, white devil from Chicago with huge American penis.”

This kinda pissed me off that Americans, under the guise of  philanthropy could unwittingly be party to this kind of blatant capitalistic favoritism.

I implore Americans to make a $25 loan via Kiva to assist Umbuti Fufu in the noble effort of crushing his enemies that also make a living with fruits and vegetables. It is unfair that Umbuti is thus far sans imperialist American dollars, and hence at an unfair market disadvantage.

Here are a few things your $25 loan via Kiva will provide Umbuti in his quest to even the playing field unfairly unbalanced with huge American dollars by a man with a huge American penis. Mr. Fufu would also appreciate the opportunity to cleave a machete blade into the heads of his fruit and vegetable competition. Anyway, here is what your twenty-five bucks will help purchase:

1. Machete

2. Fruits

3. Vegetables

4. Ninja outfit

5. Indoor plumbing

6. New hut

7. Nose bone back

Don’t make me call in this guy:


He will seriously fuck some shit up, and Omar knows how to take a machete to the face.


About wilsonericthomas

I will come back here and type something witty soon... (repeat 100 times.)
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3 Responses to The Global War of Capitalism–Twenty-Five Dollars at a Time

  1. Peter says:

    Actually, the concept of micro-finance won the fucking nobel prize ( And for good reason. It’s the exact opposite of the “white guilt” donations you seem to be railing against.

    Basically, GIVING food to africa is the economic equivalent to dumping excess produce farmed in western countries (which would have spoiled anyway) to force the african consumers into a no win situation: BUY produce from local farmers or get FREE food from aid organizations. This puts downward pressure on prices and makes it impossible for local agriculture to compete. This creates the conditions for further decline in the local african economies and in the long run actually increases starvation.

    By not supplying food, but supplying the means for local production it would help to break that cycle. The more you read about micro-finance the more you’ll find that the recipients, in aggregate, are more likely to repay than a single debtor of a larger loan. Making it a safe bet you’ll get your money back with interest. I’m not advocating cashing in, but rolling it over into another micro loan to someone else. In other words, Umbuti might be next in line. Or he may find employment if his local economy improves.

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